Knives

It still hurts. Every day. Something reminds me of you every day. I thought it was supposed to hurt a little bit less every day, but it's hurting more, if that's even possible.

I brake down every once in a while. 'Cause there's too many memories. And the memories feel like knives, stabbing me in the stomach. The pain is so real, and so strong, that it's impossible to ignore.

If you think that you not talking to me is a punishment, then you're wrong. That was expected. You hate confrontation. I wish you would be a man, and just hear me out, and let me tell you how I really feel. Is that really too much to ask for? Do you know how many times I've cried over you?

PH: http://weheartit.com/entry/23017340/via/2cute4school

Bloodshot eyes

Don't pretend that you were left in the dark. Stop pretending that you had no idea. You knew. 'Cause when I looked into your eyes I saw understanding. But all that's lost. You said you would always understand. That promise is broken. You said you never wanted to hurt me. But you did. You really did. And it hurts bad. So please, let's just talk. Let me tell you that I'm disappointed, that she's not good enough for you, and that I'm the perfect match. Just let me tell you everything, so that I maybe finally can get some sort of closure. I can try to keep telling my head that I don't love you, but my heart knows better. I lie to make it bearable.

Loving you. I'm over it.

Fake a smile

Everything

Imagine for a minute, that you have a person in your life that is, in your eyes, perfect. Everything about this person make sense. You imagine your life together. You will complete each other in a perfect way. You'll be the golden couple. The couple everyone wants to be like, just because you're so damn happy. You love him more than anything in this world, and he loves you like there is no tomorrow. Yes, you have your disagreements, your ups and downs, but in the end, all that seems meaningless as long as you have each other.

Now imagine that you never can be with this person. You'll never be with the person that is the one that, in your head, defines you. So what are you left with? A torn, broken, lost and unrecognizable version of yourself. A self-destructive version that can love no other person, because that doesn't make sense. A version who puts her life on hold, because this life without him, doesn't feel worth living. And it may seem dramatic, but in your mind it makes so much sense. He is everything. He is all you want. All you need.

The urge is stronger than it has been for years. This old, familiar feeling is creeping up on you, and you feel weak. You want to hurt, but you know you have to fight it if you ever want to get rid of this habit, that slowly is destroying you. You'll try your very best to be strong, but changes like this makes your day a struggle. So you'll fight...for you. Don't ever think it's for him. 'Cause if you let him take over another part of you, then soon there will be none of you left. You imagine the pain, and for a second you feel at peace. But when you think back on the days where this feeling where an everyday obsession, you know it's not worth it. Not even for a minute of calmness.

So here you are. The girl everyone thought were so strong. You're weak. So weak. You broke. But you'll build you up again. Just wait and see. You'll surprise everyone. And he won't even know what hit him. Just wait and see.

Don't

Please don't do this. Don't move on just yet. Give me another chance. Please. I'm desperate. My heart can't take it. I'm falling, and if you're not the one who catches me, then no one will. You are the only one who can save me. So do. You promised. Let me prove to you that we can be happy. Let me prove that I can change. Mold me in whatever way you want. I'll be everything you want. I'll be better than the others. I'll be closer to perfect then you ever thought was possible. 'Cause if you choose to move on without me, then I promise that you will regret it. I will make you regret it. I will do anything in my power to remind you of what could have been. What should have been. You will hurt just as much as I am hurting.

2012

Let this be the year. The year where my troubles shrink, joys grow and miracles happen. Let this be the year that I reach my goals, and adjust my dreams so that they actually can be reached. Let me forget the people that holds me down, and love the people who lifts me up. Let me be the best I can be.

Ph: http://weheartit.com/entry/20209259/via/2cute4school

Hurt

You may not be her first, her last, or her only

She loved before, she may love again

But if she loves now, what else matters?

She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the

two of you may never be perfect together

but if she can make you laugh, cause you to

think twice, and admit to being human and

making mistakes, hold onto her and give

her the most you can. She may not be

thinking of you every second of the day,

but she will give you a part of her that she

knows you can break - her heart. So don't

hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and

don't expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy, let her

know when she makes you mad, and

miss her when she's not there.

ph: http://weheartit.com/entry/17958887/via/2cute4school

Enough, Enough now

At first, everything was nice. We were both naive. Young. Dumb. Then I started to play games, and you played along. The difference between you and I; I didn't use any dirty tricks. Because when you saw me at my weakest, you put your foot out and made me trip. So I fell, further and further down. And now I can't get up. My feet have no strength. I try to rise, but they give in. So I scream silently for help. Begging someone to help me up. But all I see is bystanders. They see me but won't help. They see me, but not the pain. They can't see that my legs are broken. So this is the punishment for wearing my heart on my sleeve. The punishment for playing the game too far.

So I'll just lay here. Helpless, tucking my heart in so it won't show on my sleeve, thinking; Enough, Enough now.

ph: http://weheartit.com/entry/19348802/via/2cute4school

Dear Miss Karen

I'm in desperately need of some sun. In these stressful, depressing, rainy and cold exam days, it would be oh so wonderful to feel some rays of sun, even if their artificial. So please, make my little christmas wish come true, and I will for sure send you some telepathic sunlight.

Check out the lovely Miss Karen's blogg here

Ph: weheartit.com

Butterflies

Lately when I look into your eyes I realize

You're the only one I need in my life

Baby I just don't know how to describe

How lovely you made me feel inside

You give me butterflyz

Got me flying so high in the sky I can't control the butterflyz

You give me butterflyz

Got me flying so high in the sky

I can't control the butterflyz

It seems like the likely thing

From the start you told me I would be your queen

But never had I imagined such a feeling

Joy is what you bring

I want to give you everything

You give me butterflyz

Got me flying so high in the sky

I can't control the butterflyz

ph: weheartit.com

Important

This feeling is eating me up from the inside. I ask myself why I'm suddenly this nervous. Why now, why this? Because I have something to prove. It's not easy not ever being good enough. Always having to prove that I can be good as well. So just stop being this judgemental. Stop giving me that disappointed look. I will be OK. I will make it. Trust me. Some day, you will look up at me and think; "She really did it". And I did it without any help. I never asked for anything. I don't want to lean on others. I need to believe in me, before anyone else can.

So why nervous now? 'Cause this actually mean something to me. This is my chance.

ph: weheartit.com

It's Ok not to be Ok

Ripping up in old emotions is cruel to oneself. Torture. Memories drain you, tears start streaming, and there is no off switch. I wish I was some kind of an immortal creature with no emotions. I wish I could just lose my memory. They say you need to hurt to be able to love, but I would never have guessed that it took this kind of pain. 'Cause this is a wrenching, addict in rehab, wanna scream at the top of my lungs, crawl together like a ball, never wake up kind of pain. And the worst part is when this insane pain turns into rage. A rage I never thought I had in me. I want you to feel my pain too. I don't deserve to be alone in this agony. You need to feel it to, and then maybe you too will be able to love. Maybe able to love me. But it seem like you're incapable of loving, or hurting, so for now I'll run. Run from the pain and rage. Run 'till there is no more love.

ph: weheartit.com

You Say Coincidence, I Say Sign

When there is so many coincidences that it's starting to get a bit scary, shall we still continue to deny what is so clear? Shall we continue to wrap signs in coincidences? The universe are telling us something. So let's embrace it, cherish it, and follow the signs. But if you're still not convinced, then what does this mean for me? Am I still on my own, still trying to win you over then? Hell no. I'm done doing that. So is this just some test? Is the universe testing me to see how long it will take before I break down in a hysteric panic attack. How many "signs" it will take to turn me crazy? I'm already crazy, at least thats what you told me. I'm crazy in everything I do. But the important factor is that I call it devoted and dedicated. So this is as crazy as it gets. But I guess I'm not broken. Yet.

ph: http://www.photoblog.pl/czarcikowa/105569155

L.O.V.E

Finally done thinking, daydreaming, fantasizing of a life that never would be a reality. Feeling good, feeling at peace with it all. Then, in a dream, you came to me. And it feels so stupid that a silly dream can change it all, again. Finding myself looking at pictures, thinking of memories and feeling jealous of those who are in your life. Wishing I was still in your life. I see yo listening to my songs, and I can't helping thinking that you don't have the right to. Those are my songs, the songs that helped me through the darkest days, when you hurt me like no boy has ever hurt me. I wish I had the courage to come up to you and say:

You don't get to smile at me!

You don't get to talk to me!

You don't get to talk to my friends!

You don't get to listen to my music!

And you certainly don't get to look at me like nothing has happened!

Stay away.

(Or please just come back.)

When Life Is Good, I'ts Good!

Yellow Diamonds

I saw you screamin'

And no one can hear

You almost feel ashamed

That someone can be that important,

That without them you feel like nothin'

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless

Like nothin' can save you

But when its over, and it's gone

You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

So that you could have the good

Sunday blues

Success

What was that? You're tired? Of life being unfair, cold, hard and tiring? So what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna dig a hole and dig it deep, so that you can hide? Are you going under the surface, avoiding looking the truth in the eyes? Is the eyes to honest? Is the truth to real? So you are giving up. You are locking the door to your future. Because you're scared? Of what? Success? Maybe actually making it this time? Maybe it takes a little strength, and maybe you for once need to actually finish something. Oh, so its sounds stressful and exhausting? Yeah, it is! You will be tired like you never been tired before. You will cry, for days. You will almost give up, and you might not succeed. So then you give up? No, you never fucking give up. If you don't succeed you try again.

You try again.

Lemons

When life give you so many lemons, that you have too many to make lemonade out of them all, what do you do? When life is too cruel, too unfair and too confusing, what do you do? And when you have to explain this cruelty to a child, what do you say? Do you have an explanation to why life take away those we love, make those we care about sick, and destroy our faith in humanity one lemon at the time? The hard and cold truth is that there is no explanation. So we try to make the lemonade faster and faster, so that the children's innocence don't get taken away. But when it suddenly does, thats when life is at its cruelest. That's when the adults have to lock up their own heart wrenching sadness, and tell how lemons make us stronger, even though they don't really believe it themselves.

Dumb

When you kissed my cheek, I should've known. When you kissed my forehead, I should've known. When you said you'd always understand, but then you didn't pull through. I should've known.